Category Archives: ramdom thoughts

May 26, 2012

BUBBA AND THE DEBT CEILING

By gary Simmons

I am one of those people that pick his nose and not his friends. That means I have very starched conservative friends along with some very liberals ones. As you can imagine this creates some very interesting conversations. Never more than when the lefties decide to visit when the righties are already there.

Now one conversation always comes up, the debt ceiling. Everyone sees it as a problem but no one seems to have the answer. That is up to yesterday. My very good friend Bubba Jones came by that day. I had a leftie there and righty and the debt ceiling was being discussed at length.

Bubba came in and sIt quietly listening to what everyone was saying. As always their answer to the problem, seem to make no sense at all.

I turned to Bubba, ”What’s you take on the debt ceiling?”

“It’s like this you see. You come home one day and the main sewage line that runs down the street has stopped up. Every house in the neighborhood is up to the ceiling in crap.

Now you gotta make a decision. Do you raise your ceilings or pump out the poop.”

Thank you Bubba I finally understand what these no it all’s have been trying to explain to me for the last three years.

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April 11, 2012

The History of Beer and Us

By gary Simmons
For those that don’t know history … Here is a condensed version: 

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. 

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives. 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed. 

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.. 

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. 

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. 

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. 

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat. 

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. 

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. 

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

 

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in animals, cooking, curious, Current events, food, humor, life, lol, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories, Uncategorized

March 15, 2012

Bubba’s Car Emporium and fine Pre-owned Cars and Trucks

By gary Simmons

As most of you that read this blog regularly know, I own a car lot. Like all small business people, I am always on the lookout for new trends.

I have found over the last three years that people need less and less expensive cars and trucks. I have my own ideas of why this is happening. Still today isn’t the day to ponder on deep things. No, today is a day to try to figure out how to keep my head above water.

I am thinking of buying some of the vehicles below. I can buy them at a very good price and then sale them below market value and still make a profit.

Some of you may disagree but profit really isn’t a nasty word. It isn’t even nasty when a car dealer says it.

Any way as a consumer, do you think any of the following might sell?

Oh yes, I am also thinking as a market strategy to change the name of my lot from, A CAR LOT, to Bubba’s Car Emporium and Fine Pre-owned Cars and Trucks.
Your input would be greatly appreciated.

happening.


1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in curious, Current events, humor, life, life lessons, PHOTO, pictures, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

March 12, 2012

The Donald

By gary Simmons

Me personally, I am not a Donald Trump fan. The fact he is self-centered and arrogant bothers me a little.  The fact that he can declare bankruptcy and come out the other side a billionaire makes me wonder about our laws.

Then there is his television show. It leaves me wanting to say, “Donald you are fired.”

Now you know how I feel about the Donald. This still doesn’t stop him from being right sometimes. The following is what he thinks of Obama Care and I totally agree with him.

Considering he is right about this, I should try to forgive him for the above. The truth is I tried but that hair  always gets in the way. I just can’t overlook that one bad quality in the man.

The Donald:

Let me get this straight . . . 
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don’t, 
Which purportedly covers at least
ten million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, 
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn’t understand it, 
passed by a Congress that didn’t read it but
exempted themselves from it, 
and signed by a Dumbo President who smokes, 
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn’t pay his taxes, 
for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect, 
by a government which has 
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, 
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese, 
and financed by a country that’s broke!!!!!

‘What the hell could possibly go wrong?’

 

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February 28, 2012

7%

By gary Simmons

To good not t o pass on.
I JUST LIKE THIS……
-

Written by
a 90 year old

This is something we should all
read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old,

of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once
more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in
doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree .

7. Cry with someone. It’s
more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But
don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep
breath . It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no
for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years,

will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you

did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting

everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,

we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Its estimated 93% won’t forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,

forward this with the title ’7%’.

I’m in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Growing up, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, spirituel

February 19, 2012

Stupid things I say and wonder

By gary Simmons

I have heard it said, that it is a poor dog that can’t wag his own tail. I say it is a sad man that can’t laugh at his own mistakes.

The following are some stupid things I often say and a couple of things I wonder about.  Most of the statements are habits of a lifetime. At this point, I don’t have much interest in changing them.

I am sure if you ask my friends there are a thousand more that I either want share here or don’t know that I say.

Still before we get to that maybe, someone would share with me why the bagel always falls on the cream cheese side. I am talking every time. You know if it falls on the crusted side, you can look around and make sure no one is looking and go ahead and eat it.

Why does my banker only want to lend me money when I don’t need it.

Why do salespeople ask, “Can I help you? I must look disable or something.

I am innocent on this one. I say, “How may I be of service today?” Course if they look like a fellow redneck I might say, “How can I help you?” They understand what you mean. In fact, if you say, “How may I be of service?” They might think you are a waiter.

In the south, we say, cut on or off that light. I have never seen a knife or scissors by the switch.

People say, “l fell in love” or “I fell out of love.” No one chooses to fall in or out of love. It isn’t an accident. You choose to love or to love no longer. It is always a choice.

My friend laughs at me when I give customers direction on how to get to my place. I say, “Take a right at the red light.”

He asks, “What if it is green when they get to it. Do they go straight?”  He is a smart a**.

I tell my wife to pay the light bill. She asks who is going to pay the rest of the power bill.”

She and my friend have something in common. You can figure that one out yourself.

I will finish with my favorite word.

Let’s go over yonder.

 

 

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in 2012, animals, curious, humor, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

February 16, 2012

FLYING OLD GLORY AT HALF STAFF

By gary Simmons

What do you have to do to have the flag only lifted half up the pole.

It used to be you had to be a fallen war hero or a high-ranking political figure. Then they started coming up with other things that would give you such an honor. Mostly you had to do something special and have had  a politician in your pocket while still living.

This week New Jersey said you could be a crack head as long as you could sing good and look nice.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe just how many people have fought and died for this flag.

Today Governor Christi of New jersey made me sick.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Current events, life, life lessons, politics, ramdom thoughts

February 14, 2012

Bubba said it with a flower

By gary Simmons

ay It with Flower

Bubba visited a florist’s shop which showed a large sign that read, ‘Say It With Flowers.’

‘Wrap up one rose, please’ ma’am Bubba said to the florist’s assistant.

‘Only one?’ she inquired frowning.

‘yes ‘am jest the one’, Bubba replied. ‘I is a man of few words.’

 

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in humor, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, stories

February 10, 2012

LETS ALL GO TO THE MOVIES

By gary Simmons

LETS ALL GO TO THE MOVIES

When I was a kid we didn’t go to movies. We went to the show. Mostly, the Saturday afternoon show. You could take a quarter and get in. With the change, you could buy a bag of popcorn and a fountain drink. Everything was a nickel. The only problem was the movie cost fifteen cents so that meant you had one nickel left after the popcorn and cola.

Another coke and you would spend the next four hours needing to pee. A bag of popcorn and you would be thirsty for the rest of the afternoon. If you ask your mother for another nickel, you would be told you were an ingrate and wouldn’t be allowed to go at all.

If you are wondering what a ingrate is. Ask my mama. I have no idea.

Today to put a child through such mental strain would most likely be considered child abuse.

If you made too much noise, the high school senior dressed in his Sunday suit would flash his light in your face once. The next time he would throw you out the front door. Today that would be bullying.

If you threw something up in the balcony where the blacks set they would throw ice on you. Then the senior would come and throw you out.

If the manager seen you get thrown out too many times he would bar you from coming for a month or so.

If you complained to your parents, they would beat you within an inch of your life. (or so it seemed) Again, child abuse.

If you were lucky, you found a girl who would go with you. Then if you were real lucky,and  she allowed you to kiss her. The senior would shine his flash light on the two of you and hold it there. He would then shout. No smunching in here. Of course the theater would turn and laugh at you.

The girl would jump up as if it wasn’t her idea at all and run out the front lobby. Today that would be sexual harassment.

If you sit through both the double features and the little movie in between and a hundred previews plus the local funeral home ad and was ready to start all over. The senior would come by and shine the light in your face and say really loud, “Boy you don’t live here get your butt up and leave.”

Even with all that it was better than the pecker head that sets in front of you today and answers his stupid cell phone.

You know the idiot that says,”Hello, yeah. I am here watching the movie. I ant’ busy. It sucks anyway. What’s happening with you?

Now if you would like to take your own personal trip down memory lane click the following link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfDXlgmKFyU

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Growing up, humor, life, life lessons, links, lol, Mississippi, pictures, ramdom thoughts, stories

February 2, 2012

PG and the N word

By gary Simmons

I often read a blogger by the name of PG. We don’t always see eye to eye. especially concerning religion.

I don’t read PG to agree with him. I read PG because he makes me think. That is the  stuff great blogs are made of. I might add also he  has great pictures.

The following is from his blog. I actually commented on it today. I added mine at the bottom.

 

Hope you enjoy. By the way if want the hair raised on the back of your neck visit PG at

http://chamblee54.wordpress.com

The good thing about not having a big audience is the freedom to discuss touchy subjects. I can say more or less anything I want, and since very few are reading, there is no problem.
With that in mind, I approach the subject for today’s lesson…the ”N- word”. It doesn’t get much touchier. We all know what that word is. It has six letters, rhymes with trigger, and makes the brains of some people turn into jello. It is a derogatory phrase for people of African origin.
I try to avoid using this term. There are four main reasons for this. If I ever get paid for doing this I will come up with a top ten list.
1- The N word hurts people’s feelings. I have known many fine Black people, and my life is much richer as a result. I do not want to say anything that will hurt these people. As for the not so fine Black People that I have known, they are G-d’s children, just like me. My fellow human beings no not deserve to be insulted just for who they are.
2- Being heard saying the N word can cause all sorts of problems. This can include physical retribution, loss of employment, lawsuits, and having to listen to enough loud angry words to make you wish you had never learned how to talk.
3- It is not a fair fight. There is no equivalent phrase for a Black Person to say to a white person. I do not wish to give that power to another group of people… to turn me into a mass of incoherent rage, just for hearing a six letter word.
The closest thing to this is “Cracker”, which I only recently found out was an insult. This is odd, because when I was a boy, we had a minor league baseball team called the Atlanta Crackers.
4- The use of the N word demeans the user. When you say an insulting word about another human being, you make yourself look bad. When you hate someone, you hate yourself worse than the person you hate. And frankly, a lot of these people are not worth it.
This feature was originally posted at my original blog, and copied three years ago. I wrote in first person shamelessly. Pictures are from The Library of Congress 
Since I originally posted this, a Kansas/Kenya man, with dark skin, has been elected President. The playing field is having a fruit basket turnover. No one is really certain what is what anymore, except things are different. Or maybe they are the same. It is 2012.
I would like to further comment on is the reality of black people using the n word. It is a word that degrades the person who uses it. For a person of color, it degrades them as the object, as well as the speaker. I cannot help but wonder why a person would want to do that to them self, their family and their community. I realize that as a white person this is none of my business. Why should I have more respect for a person than he has for himself?
It is like smoking cigarettes. Yes, it is legal, and you have the right to pull toxic chemicals into your body. But why on earth would you want to?

my comment

gary Simmons said, on February 2, 2012 at 12:49 pm

When a black comedian uses the N word everyone laughs. Are they making themselves as well as their friends look stupid? If so why isn’t any one offended by it?

Saying the N word is like cussing. Most of us do it,black and white. The bottom line is it shows our ignorance.

I am amazed when I read a book that the author has to dedicate a few pages of detailed sex acts and a few pages for cussing. It tells me he just has a lousy vocabulary and that is the only way he can get your attention.

Wait, wait, did I just say that is the only way he can get your attention. What is the black comedian trying to do? What is the red neck trying to do? What is the ignorant black man on the corner trying to do?

Listen close to someone who freely throws the N word around. 99% of them also cut loose with a lot of cussing. Like a screaming baby that just wants to draw attention to themselves. Who it offends isn’t important. It is all about them.

This isn’t about race as much as it is about being self-centered and stupid.

You know we have thrown every offensive deed we can think of at race. I say get over it. Stupid people say stupid things. Always have and always will. Racist don’t have stupid cornered.

Thanks for allowing me to rant a little.

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Growing up, life, life lessons, links, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

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