Archive for the ‘Mississippi’ category

Too Soon For Christmas

November 25, 2012

Christmas starts a little too early at my house. It actually starts the day after Thanksgiving to be exact. My wife loves Christmas. You might even call her a Christmas Addict.
Typically I have to work the Friday after Thanksgiving. That means I get to miss out on all the decorating. This year I was off so guess how I spent my Friday morning.
If you haven’t guessed, I will tell you. Hand me that, tack this there. Move it to the right. That is too far move it back some the other way. Not that way, the other way. Then there was get that down. Be careful with that.
Yes my friends, for me work is where I belong on black and dark Friday.
The afternoon was spent looking through piles of stomped on items at the mall. To her credit she did take me to a very nice restaurant. I had a bowl of soup and a $15.00 hamburger. I don’t guess any one told this place that it was Black Friday and they needed to reduce their prices.
Saturday night we went to a little town about twenty miles away. It is Canton Mississippi. It is a small little country town. To its credit there have been several movies made there. They call their self the city of lights. I guess the town square of lights simply wouldn’t sound as appealing.
The town happens to be the county seat. That means there is a very old court-house in the center of the town square. Unlike most little sleepy Mississippi towns ever store is filled. This tiny little town has 324 restaurants in it. I looked it up. The people are truly happy and fat. That of course is my kind of place.
Starting on Black Friday night until January the first every year the square turns into a huge Christmas scene.
My photography is almost as bad as my writing, yet I still decided to attach a couple of pics.










God Always Makes A Way, Sometimes It Is A Strange Way

July 29, 2012

Dear Son,

This year the ground is extra hard. It has been weeks since we have seen any rain. You are in prison and I am too old to break the clots. There want be any potatoes planted this year.

Your Daddy

 

Dear Dad,

For goodness, sakes don’t be messing with that potato patch. That is where I buried all the dead bodies.

 

Your Son

 

The next day the FBI and several other Federal Agencies showed up and turned every bit of dirt in the potato patch. They found nothing and quietly left the property rather embarrassed.

 

2 days later

Dear Dad,

Sorry I couldn’t be there to turn the potato patch for you.  I hope the people I sent did a good job.

Your Son

 

 

 

 

THE BIG EASY

June 13, 2012

There was time in my life that I thought New Orleans was the greatest city in the world. I could just see myself riding the street cars to work every day. I would have lived in the French Quarter of course.

 

I suppose age has changed my mind about New Orleans. That and the fact I have been enough times I now realized life for the people who live; there is not the same as the tourist like myself just visiting.

 

Still though, I can honestly say there is no where else like New Orleans. I am not a big traveler, but I have visited New York, Atlanta, Chicago and few other cities. Yes, I have even stayed at the Peabody in Memphis. Still, nothing holds a candle to the Big Easy.

 

When in Dallas, I found the people there loved Texas. People that live in New Orleans love Louisiana, but they adore their beloved home-town New Orleans.

With all that said. I must say at the ripe old age of sixty two the city I so loved at one time looks different to me today. Damn old age. It rings all the fun out of everything.

 

I now am in somewhat agreement with Larry the Cable Man,

not totally, just kind of.

He said the following.

 

Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people, implying with bad jokes and anecdotes, that Loozianna Cajuns ain’t smart. I would like to state, for the record, that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody who would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can’t swim is a damn genius.

 

The more I think about the subject. My thinking is somewhere between being twenty-one again and Larry the Cable Man.

 

They say you are once an adult and twice a child. Maybe some day I will be a Democrat again and in love with the Big Easy.

BUBBA AND THE DEBT CEILING

May 26, 2012

I am one of those people that pick his nose and not his friends. That means I have very starched conservative friends along with some very liberals ones. As you can imagine this creates some very interesting conversations. Never more than when the lefties decide to visit when the righties are already there.

Now one conversation always comes up, the debt ceiling. Everyone sees it as a problem but no one seems to have the answer. That is up to yesterday. My very good friend Bubba Jones came by that day. I had a leftie there and righty and the debt ceiling was being discussed at length.

Bubba came in and sIt quietly listening to what everyone was saying. As always their answer to the problem, seem to make no sense at all.

I turned to Bubba, ”What’s you take on the debt ceiling?”

“It’s like this you see. You come home one day and the main sewage line that runs down the street has stopped up. Every house in the neighborhood is up to the ceiling in crap.

Now you gotta make a decision. Do you raise your ceilings or pump out the poop.”

Thank you Bubba I finally understand what these no it all’s have been trying to explain to me for the last three years.

LETS ALL GO TO THE MOVIES

February 10, 2012

LETS ALL GO TO THE MOVIES

When I was a kid we didn’t go to movies. We went to the show. Mostly, the Saturday afternoon show. You could take a quarter and get in. With the change, you could buy a bag of popcorn and a fountain drink. Everything was a nickel. The only problem was the movie cost fifteen cents so that meant you had one nickel left after the popcorn and cola.

Another coke and you would spend the next four hours needing to pee. A bag of popcorn and you would be thirsty for the rest of the afternoon. If you ask your mother for another nickel, you would be told you were an ingrate and wouldn’t be allowed to go at all.

If you are wondering what a ingrate is. Ask my mama. I have no idea.

Today to put a child through such mental strain would most likely be considered child abuse.

If you made too much noise, the high school senior dressed in his Sunday suit would flash his light in your face once. The next time he would throw you out the front door. Today that would be bullying.

If you threw something up in the balcony where the blacks set they would throw ice on you. Then the senior would come and throw you out.

If the manager seen you get thrown out too many times he would bar you from coming for a month or so.

If you complained to your parents, they would beat you within an inch of your life. (or so it seemed) Again, child abuse.

If you were lucky, you found a girl who would go with you. Then if you were real lucky,and  she allowed you to kiss her. The senior would shine his flash light on the two of you and hold it there. He would then shout. No smunching in here. Of course the theater would turn and laugh at you.

The girl would jump up as if it wasn’t her idea at all and run out the front lobby. Today that would be sexual harassment.

If you sit through both the double features and the little movie in between and a hundred previews plus the local funeral home ad and was ready to start all over. The senior would come by and shine the light in your face and say really loud, “Boy you don’t live here get your butt up and leave.”

Even with all that it was better than the pecker head that sets in front of you today and answers his stupid cell phone.

You know the idiot that says,”Hello, yeah. I am here watching the movie. I ant’ busy. It sucks anyway. What’s happening with you?

Now if you would like to take your own personal trip down memory lane click the following link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfDXlgmKFyU

Bubba Clause

December 20, 2011

Bubba Clause is now helping Santa out in Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas and northern Florida. If you have been bad,expect a pile of empty Bud cans under the tree. The sleigh and presents are now under the protection of Smith and Wesson.

You all need to start sending yore  Christmas list to.

Bubba Clause

Possum Neck, MS

If Bubba Clause runs a little late this year you might check down the road at your local honky-tonk. Sorry Bubba don’t put together nothen’. Also he ask that you put that there for out before going to bed. Alcohol and flames don’t mix. We all want to have a safe Christmas. I knows you would feel bad ifn’ Bubba Clause exploded in yore chimney.

You all have yore fat little old selves a real Merry Christmas, Hear now.

PS

No cookies and milk. A beer would be nice but ifn’ you are Southern Baptist then a glass of sweet tea will do jest fine.

Christmas possum in a box

December 20, 2011

Many have ask to see my Christmas possum  recipe again this year. I have looked back and found it.

It seems several of you tried it last year. Some have stated  that Christmas possum in a box is now a Christmas tradition at their house.

Here you go. Don’t be scared. Just follow the directions and you will be sharing this recipe next year. Just remember who you got from.

Christmas Possum in a Box

Ingredients:One,  four to five pound possum, One shallow cardboard box with sides at least one inch high. 1 whole glove of garlic, 2 large yellow onions I head of celery, 3 large Russet potatoes, 2 slightly green tomatoes, I table spoon of fresh ground pepper, I teaspoon of sea salt, 1 teaspoon red pepper, a quarter cup of soy sauce, 1 stick of unsalted butter, 1 half cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice.

Shut possum with light of load as possible. You don’t want to spend the day plucking out lead pellets. Before skinning animal makes sure he is dead and not playing like he is asleep. My second cousin has spent most of his life with a half noise after making this mistake.  Possums are smart little critters and they seem to get all fussy if you try to skin them alive.

When cleaning possum make sure to leave fat pockets under the legs intact. This makes for an excellent place to insert meat thermometer.

When animal has been properly cleaned lay him feet up on a clean counter and pat dry. The box can be set on a cookie sheet for more support. Do not place possum on direct metal or glass. This will ruin the meal.

An excellent box for the possum can be a used pizza box. They normally have a greasy spot in the middle and that helps to keep the possum from sticking.

Take ¼ stick of the butter and melt it over low heat, next wipe the box both bottom as well as sides with the butter.

Now place the animal in the center of the box again feet  up. If you like to cook the animal with his head still on turn it in a direction where he will not be staring at you when you check him in the oven.

Quarter potatoes, onions and then slice the celery long ways and lay over onions and potatoes. Crush the garlic but do not dice. Place garlic one-inch away but neatly surrounding the carcass. Next place the veggies over the garlic. Still making sure not to touch the rodent.

Next pour soy sauce over the veggies. Melt the balance of butter and pour it evenly over the veggies and garlic. Finally sprinkle the dry ingredients over this mixture; again make sure you do not allow any to be placed on the possum.

Lay a piece of tinfoil loosely over the possum making sure the veggie mixture is completely covered. Place possum in the box in center of middle rack in a preheated oven at 300 degrees and cook for 1 hour and forty-five minutes. When finished cooking check inter leg with a meat thermometer. The thermometer should read slight rare under the beef section. Do not over cook. This will cause the meal to taste dried out.

If the meat is ready remove the tinfoil and cut oven on broil until the possum is golden brow.

Remove the box and set on counter and allow to rest for fifteen minutes.

Remove possum and place in an airtight bag. Gently throw it in the trash and then slice box up as you would a frozen pizza and serve warm. A nice Port is advised to go with the meal. If none is available a cheap white Muscatine will do just a swell.

Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful possum in the box this Christmas for your Holiday family meal.

Gary

Christmas Possum in a Box

Ingredients: I four to five pound possum, I shallow cardboard box with sides at least one inch high. 1 whole glove of garlic, 2 large yellow onions I head of celery, 3 large Russet potatoes, 2 slightly green tomatoes, I table spoon of fresh ground pepper, I teaspoon of sea salt, 1 teaspoon red pepper, a quarter cup of soy sauce, 1 stick of unsalted butter, 1 half cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice.

Shut possum with light of load as possible. You don’t want to spend the day plucking out lead pellets. Before skinning animal makes sure he is dead and not playing like he is asleep. My second cousin has spent most of his life with a half nose after making this mistake.  Possums are smart little critters and they seem to get all fussy if you try to skin them alive.

When cleaning possum make sure to leave fat pockets under the legs intact. This makes for an excellent place to insert meat thermometer.

When animal has been properly cleaned lay him feet up on a clean counter and pat dry. The box can be set on a cookie sheet for more support. Do not place possum on direct metal or glass. This will virtually ruin the meal.

An excellent box for the possum can be a used pizza box. They normally have a greasy spot in the middle and that helps to keep the possum from sticking.

Take ¼ stick of the butter and melt it over low heat, next wipe the box both bottom as well as sides with the butter.

Now place the animal in the center of the box again feet  up. If you like to cook the animal with his head still on turn it in a direction where he will not be staring at you when you check him in the oven.

Quarter potatoes, onions and then slice the celery long ways and lay over onions and potatoes. Crush the garlic but do not dice. Place garlic one-inch away but neatly surrounding the carcass. Next place the veggies over the garlic. Still making sure not to touch the rodent.

Next pour soy sauce over the veggies. Melt the balance of butter and pour it evenly over the veggies and garlic. Finally sprinkle the dry ingredients over this mixture; again make sure you do not allow any to be placed on the possum.

Lay a piece of tinfoil loosely over the possum making sure the veggie mixture is completely covered. Place possum in the box in center of middle rack in a preheated oven at 300 degrees and cook for 1 hour and forty-five minutes. When finished cooking check inter leg with a meat thermometer. The thermometer should read slight rare under the beef section. Do not over cook. This will cause the meal to taste dried out.

If the meat is ready remove the tinfoil and cut oven on broil until the possum is golden brow.

Remove the box and set on counter and allow to rest for fifteen minutes.

Remove possum and place in an airtight bag. Gently throw it in the trash and then slice box up as you would a frozen pizza and serve warm. A nice Port is advised to go with the meal. If none is available a cheap white Muscatine will do just a swell.

Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful possum in the box this Christmas for your Holiday family meal.

Gary

REDNECKS INVADE NEW YORK

December 8, 2011

I am going to New York tomorrow. I have been once before. This time my wife and I are going with my sister and her husband. We have never been anywhere together. They travel everywhere. I am really looking forward to this trip.

 

The last time we went, we stayed lost about half the time. It was so funny. Total strangers would stop and say. “You look lost. Where are trying to go?”

 

I would tell them, and they would instruct us how to get there with the speed of light. Before I could get my southern thank you out they were gone. Yes no matter what you have heard I found everyone very pleasant. They were also in a huge hurry.

 

I bet we looked like a couple of country bun kens staring up at the high buildings and gawking at the graffiti. We didn’t care. We were having the time of our lives. We ate Jr.’s cheese cake, at his place. The only other we had before was frozen in the store.

 

I also ate a deep-fried Ruben. It wasn’t bad, but I think I will stay with the regular ones. We rode the subway, taxis and buses. It was a blast. We took the tours and recognized many scenes from TV.

 

This trip we are going to see the Rockettes and a Broadway play. Thank God we already have the tickets. Oh yeah, we are going to the Regis and Kelly show or whatever you call it now. You can tell I can’t wait for that.

 

Anyway, I will be gone for a while. I will catch you up on our trip to New York when we get back.

DAVID IN THE NUDE JUNE 2009

June 23, 2011

Have you ever wondered what you were doing two years ago this very day. I can’t remember but thanks to my computer I know what I was writing about. Here it is. If you missed it then take a look today. It is still funny.

June 23, 2009
David
By gary Simmons
After attacking William Faulkner the other day, I thought I might better let literature take a break.

Today I thought I might take on two subjects at one time. First art and second obesity. You might think this is two strange subjects to be on the same blog page.

You maybe right, then you may not be.

Let us just dive into this subject head on. No let’s just do a belly flop.

You may not be aware that Michelangelo’s David is to be returned to Italy.

That’s right it has been on loan to Mississippi for the past two years now.

I am sorry if you missed it. The only way to see it again will be to visit Italy. It seems as if we have angered the Italians. They seemed to be offended by the way; we took care of David while he was on loan.

If we were guilty of any thing, it was plain old southern hospitality.

If you don’t remember exactly what the statute looked like don’t worry. I, your blog master found a picture of it two years ago before it was shipped here to Mississippi.

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I bet you are saying, “Oh, yea, I know that statue.”

You really missed something while it was at Mama’s Café at Byram, Mississippi. See what all you miss by not getting out more.

Now, I will show you a picture of the statue before it was placed in a crate and shipped home. You can make up your own mind if it looks any different from it did when it got here 24 months ago.

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What you think???????????

ggs

Leave a comment | posted in Uncategorized | Edit

June 22, 2009

Debt Ceiling, the little nasty secret of Washington

May 10, 2011

As I confessed yesterday I am a news junkie. Now with that said allow me to ask you a couple of questions.

For days we have heard every detail of the Ben-Laden’s capture. I confess I enjoy hearing it also. Now we are hearing about the ex-governor of California who was the weakest of the weak Republicans is separating from his wife of twenty-five years. She was of course from the Kennedy Klan and a die-hard democrat. Makes for great news I guess.

Just before this we spent a good week seeing nothing but a wedding in England. I enjoyed some of it. Got a little old after a while.

Then came the Great Mississippi Flood.

With the exception of the people who lived on the Mississippi how much has any of this impacted your life.

During all this, a battle was brewing in Washington that no one seems to pay any attention to. Yet, the outcome of this very under reported news is going to change every person’s life in America.

I am talking about the debt ceiling.

I promise you this. It is going to have a major effect on your life in the very near future no matter what the outcome may be.

You see this country is broke. The only thing we have left is our good name and the ability to borrow money.

Just like many of us have made stupid financial decisions in our life. So have our elected officials. The exception is they made bad decisions with our money.

If Boehner gets even one-fourth of what he wants someone is going to be in terrible trouble. He is saying that we have to cut spending. Sounds pretty good to me. That is what we have been doing at my house for the last three or so years.

Now, allow me to explain this in turns we can all understand.

Your neighbor’s house burns down. Your wife and yourself feel terrible for them and go take your own savings to help get them back on their feet.

A few months pass and your other neighbor’s house burns down. You have no more savings so you go the bank and borrow money to get them on their feet. A few months later your house burns down. You go to the bank and hear that you are over extended. You have to do something so you go to a small loan company and borrow at double the rate the bank is charging.

They cut your hours at work and now you can’t make your payments. The bank and the finance company argue over your house and property. Mean while you are on the street.

That is actually what has happen to the USA. We have helped our neighbors around the world to the point that we are busted. We have supported everyone and any one whom doesn’t want to work. We have taken our citizen’s saving accounts, social security and gave it to people who never put any thing in.

Now, we are at the point of having to increase our debt ceiling. If we do our credit rating is going to drop and we are going to simply be trying to pay the interest on what we already owe. Soon and very soon just like the family paying the minimum on their credit cards we are going to go bankrupt.

Then no one gets any help.

If we follow Boehner’s advice someone right now is going to have to suffer. It maybe storm victims or some other natural occurrence. It will be social security for sure. We might even have to scale back our world-wide police force. Who knows we might not be able to support every pregnant non wedded girl in the country. The illegals could be left to fend for themselves. If these last couple of suggestions make you think it is not a bad idea. Remember the real needy will suffer right along with them.

There just want be enough money left to pay our house note and certainly not enough to help any one else.

Just be assured one way or the other in the following months your life is going to change.

The laws that govern your economics are the same ones that are firmly in place with the government.

Please tell me I am wrong and how.

I desperately want to be happy and smile. I also want to look toward Washington and think the money will never run out. After all I am an American. I was guaranteed happiness at birth, right?


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