Category Archives: curious

May 26, 2012

BUBBA AND THE DEBT CEILING

I am one of those people that pick his nose and not his friends. That means I have very starched conservative friends along with some very liberals ones. As you can imagine this creates some very interesting conversations. Never more than when the lefties decide to visit when the righties are already there.

Now one conversation always comes up, the debt ceiling. Everyone sees it as a problem but no one seems to have the answer. That is up to yesterday. My very good friend Bubba Jones came by that day. I had a leftie there and righty and the debt ceiling was being discussed at length.

Bubba came in and sIt quietly listening to what everyone was saying. As always their answer to the problem, seem to make no sense at all.

I turned to Bubba, ”What’s you take on the debt ceiling?”

“It’s like this you see. You come home one day and the main sewage line that runs down the street has stopped up. Every house in the neighborhood is up to the ceiling in crap.

Now you gotta make a decision. Do you raise your ceilings or pump out the poop.”

Thank you Bubba I finally understand what these no it all’s have been trying to explain to me for the last three years.

Leave a comment | tags: Bubba, debt ceiling, Nunbba Jones, poltics, sewage | posted in curious, Current events, humor, life, life lessons, lol, Mississippi, pictures, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories, Uncategorized

April 11, 2012

The History of Beer and Us

By gary Simmons

For those that don’t know history … Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

3 comments | tags: bber, conservatives, History, liberals, politics | posted in animals, cooking, curious, Current events, food, humor, life, lol, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories, Uncategorized

March 15, 2012

Bubba’s Car Emporium and fine Pre-owned Cars and Trucks

By gary Simmons

As most of you that read this blog regularly know, I own a car lot. Like all small business people, I am always on the lookout for new trends.

I have found over the last three years that people need less and less expensive cars and trucks. I have my own ideas of why this is happening. Still today isn’t the day to ponder on deep things. No, today is a day to try to figure out how to keep my head above water.

I am thinking of buying some of the vehicles below. I can buy them at a very good price and then sale them below market value and still make a profit.

Some of you may disagree but profit really isn’t a nasty word. It isn’t even nasty when a car dealer says it.

Any way as a consumer, do you think any of the following might sell?

Oh yes, I am also thinking as a market strategy to change the name of my lot from, A CAR LOT, to Bubba’s Car Emporium and Fine Pre-owned Cars and Trucks.
Your input would be greatly appreciated.

h appening.

1 comment | tags: bubba's, car lot, cars, junkers, odd car lot, sales | posted in curious, Current events, humor, life, life lessons, PHOTO, pictures, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

March 12, 2012

The Donald

By gary Simmons

Me personally, I am not a Donald Trump fan. The fact he is self-centered and arrogant bothers me a little. The fact that he can declare bankruptcy and come out the other side a billionaire makes me wonder about our laws.

Then there is his television show. It leaves me wanting to say, “Donald you are fired.”

Now you know how I feel about the Donald. This still doesn’t stop him from being right sometimes. The following is what he thinks of Obama Care and I totally agree with him.

Considering he is right about this, I should try to forgive him for the above. The truth is I tried but that hair always gets in the way. I just can’t overlook that one bad quality in the man.

The Donald:

Let me get this straight . . .
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don’t,
Which purportedly covers at least
ten million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn’t understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn’t read it but
exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a Dumbo President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn’t pay his taxes,
for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect,
by a government which has
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese,
and financed by a country that’s broke!!!!!

‘What the hell could possibly go wrong?’

1 comment | tags: Bankrupt, Dumbo, hair, IRS agents, Medicare, name, obama care, signature, Social Security, The Donald | posted in curious, Current events, humor, life, life lessons, lol, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories, Uncategorized

February 19, 2012

Stupid things I say and wonder

By gary Simmons

I have heard it said, that it is a poor dog that can’t wag his own tail. I say it is a sad man that can’t laugh at his own mistakes.

The following are some stupid things I often say and a couple of things I wonder about. Most of the statements are habits of a lifetime. At this point, I don’t have much interest in changing them.

I am sure if you ask my friends there are a thousand more that I either want share here or don’t know that I say.

Still before we get to that maybe, someone would share with me why the bagel always falls on the cream cheese side. I am talking every time. You know if it falls on the crusted side, you can look around and make sure no one is looking and go ahead and eat it.

Why does my banker only want to lend me money when I don’t need it.

Why do salespeople ask, “Can I help you? I must look disable or something.

I am innocent on this one. I say, “How may I be of service today?” Course if they look like a fellow redneck I might say, “How can I help you?” They understand what you mean. In fact, if you say, “How may I be of service?” They might think you are a waiter.

In the south, we say, cut on or off that light. I have never seen a knife or scissors by the switch.

People say, “l fell in love” or “I fell out of love.” No one chooses to fall in or out of love. It isn’t an accident. You choose to love or to love no longer. It is always a choice.

My friend laughs at me when I give customers direction on how to get to my place. I say, “Take a right at the red light.”

He asks, “What if it is green when they get to it. Do they go straight?” He is a smart a**.

I tell my wife to pay the light bill. She asks who is going to pay the rest of the power bill.”

She and my friend have something in common. You can figure that one out yourself.

I will finish with my favorite word.

Let’s go over yonder.

1 comment | tags: bagel, bankers, dogs, fall in love, fall out of love, friends, green lights, help, laugh, laugh at self, love, red lights, service, share, stupid things, tails | posted in 2012, animals, curious, humor, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

February 17, 2012

The Great One Speaks and We Listen

By gary Simmons

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land
called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their
will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that
person known as “The One.”

He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He
hypnotized the people telling them, “I am sent to save you.” My lack
of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my
association with evil doers are of no consequence. I shall save you
with hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the
land that he who proceeded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation,
and that all he has built must be destroyed. And the people rejoiced,
for even though they knew not what “The One” would do, he had promised
that it was good; and they believed. And “The One” said “We live in
the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!”
And the people said, “Hallelujah! Change is good!”
Then He said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats.” And the
people said “Sock it to them!” “And redistribute their wealth.” And
the people said, “Show us the money!” And the he said, “
redistribution of wealth is good for everybody..”

And Joe the plumber asked, ” Are you kidding me? You’re going to
steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??” And “The One”
ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe’s personal records were hacked and publicized.
One lone reporter asked, “Isn’t that Marxist policy?” And she was
banished from the kingdom.

Then a citizen asked, “With no foreign relations experience and
having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with
radical terrorists?” And “The One” said, “Simple. I shall sit with
them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they
will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!” And the people
said, “Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons
into free cars for the people!”

Then “The One” said “I shall give 95% of you lower taxes.” And one,
lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay ANY taxes.” So “The One”
said, “Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!”
And the people said, “Hallelujah! Show us the money!”
Then “The One” said, “I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell
your homes!” And the people yawned and the slumping housing market
collapsed. And He said. “I shall mandate employer-funded health care
for every worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every
person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the
clinics.” And the people said, “Give me some of that!”
Then he said, “I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.”
And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”

Then “The One” said, “I shall bankrupt the coal industry and
electricity rates will skyrocket!” And the people said, “Coal is
dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don’t care for that part
about higher electric rates.” So “The One” said, Not to worry. If
your rebate isn’t enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out.
Just sign up with the ACORN and your troubles are over!”
Then He said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let’s
grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches,
free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing…” And
the people said, “Hallelujah!” and they made him king!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and
ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others
simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto
a rock dropped from a cliff.

The bank banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a
crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.

Then “The One” said, “I am the “the One”- The Messiah – and I’m here
to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have
enough!” But our foreign trading partners said unto Him. “Wait a
minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have
to pay more… And “The One” said, “Wait a minute. That is
unfair!!” And the world said, “Neither are these other idiotic
programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and
a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!”

And the people cried out, “Alas, alas!! What have we done?” But yea
verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat upon
him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation
was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or
shelter or hope. And the Change “The One” had given them was as like
unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that
consumed all that they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish,
“give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!” But it was too
late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this a fairy tale, but it’s not. It’s happening RIGHT NOW
THIS really tells it like it is. After reading it — and before you go into the bathroom to throw-up –

forward it to those you know care about our country and what is happening to it under the rule of Commissar Obamanation.

P.S. — Yeah, this is too true to be funny.. Tragic, but not funny; tragic but true.

IF YOU CAN’T SEE THIS HAPPENING…. JUST RUB YOUR EYES AND BLINK A FEW MORE TIMES REALLY GOOD.

=

Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don’t mind.

And the ones that mind, don’t matter.

4 comments | tags: Barrack Obama, great one, jobs.obama, King Obama, Michele Obama, OBAMA FAMILY, Obama nation, Obama vs Israel, OBAMACARE, President Obama, SAD STATE, The anointed mone, THE ARNORTED ONE | posted in 2012, curious, Current events, humor, life, life lessons, lol, PHOTO, pictures, politics, rants, spirituel, stories

February 1, 2012

J.B.’ Senior Moment

By gary Simmons

There was once a man that like many of us who had a senior moment. I want use his real name. In fact I think I will simply call him J.B. and call his wife Mable.

There names aren’t important. I ‘ll just let you guess who the fellow is. I will say this though. He is a very nice person. Easy to get along with and likes to write.

Then maybe he isn’t any of the above.

Several days ago J.B. left a meeting at our church, He desperately gave himself a personal TSA pat down. He was looking for his keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly he realized, I must have left them in the pick-up. Frantically, he headed for the parking lot. His wife, Mable, has scolded him many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. His theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As he burst through the doors of the church, he came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

He immediately called the police. He gave them his location, confessed that he had left his keys in the pick-up, and that it had been stolen.

Then he made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” he stammered. He always call her “Honey” in times like these.

“I left my keys in the pick-up, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. He thought the call had been dropped, but then he heard Mable’s voice.

“J.B.” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was his time to be silent.

Embarrassed, He said, “Well, come and get me.”

Mable retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your pick-up!”

Leave a comment | tags: church, embarssed, J.B. Truck, keys, Mable, parking lot, police, Senior moment | posted in 2012, curious, humor, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, stories

January 19, 2012

PICTURE IS WORTH 1,000 WORDS

By gary Simmons

1 comment | tags: congress, lawyers, Michael, Obama, politicians, senate | posted in curious, humor, life, life lessons, PHOTO, pictures, politics, ramdom thoughts, rants

December 22, 2011

I DON’T BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS

By gary Simmons

This will most likely be my last post until after Christmas. With this said I wish you and all yours the very best of the holidays.

That’s right the best of holidays not Merry Christmas. You see my dear readers I am a hypocrite. Many of you may have already figured this out by other posting I have made.

I am a hypocrite because I say things I don’t believe in and practice things that I think are stupid.

I don’t believe in Santa. I believe Coca Cola invited him to sell pop. Then the department stores adopted him to sale toys.
I don’t believe in flying reindeer nor do I believe in Rudolph. I believe a writer working for Montgomery Wards made up a story and a front cover for their Christmas catalog one year. I believe Gene Audrey made a small fortune singing about this catalog cover.
I don’t believe in Christmas trees. I think they came from the pagans. I also don’t believe in Christmas decorations. They came from the same pagans the trees came from.
I don’t even believe in Christmas itself. I think the Catholic church invented it to draw some of the traffic away from the pagans that were celebrating the first day of winter.
Worst of all I don’t believe Christ was born In December. I think most likely it was late March middle April. Maybe even April Fools Day. Wouldn’t that be a devil of a something. Underline devil. If he couldn’t stop it. Maybe he thought he could change the date and commercialize it.

I also believe this. If Christmas makes you happy as it does me. Go for it. If people can take one day a year and not be such a—hole, great. If the malls can make a buck off the deal that is great. You see I don’t see profit as a dirty word. I am in business and haven’t figured out how to stay in it without a profit.

Now what makes me a hypocrite.

I give out presents every year.
I have a big old fake tree with lights and greenery every where.
In fact my wife has a model sleigh filled with presents setting in the floor.

Still I am not as bad if that is possible as my neighbor that has a manger scene in her front yard. There Santa is peering over into the feed box at the baby Jesus. Near there is the wise men placing their gifts under a Christmas tree.

I suppose she speaks for us all. For some strange reason we prefer a lie blended into our Christmas cheer.

Alright forget how I started this off.

Merry Christmas to each and all,

gary

1 comment | tags: Christmas, christmas lights, christmas tree, Coca Cola, don't believe, Gene Audrey, greenery, reindeer, santa, sleigh | posted in animals, curious, humor, life, life lessons, lol, ramdom thoughts, rants, stories

December 20, 2011

Bubba Clause

By gary Simmons

Bubba Clause is now helping Santa out in Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas and northern Florida. If you have been bad,expect a pile of empty Bud cans under the tree. The sleigh and presents are now under the protection of Smith and Wesson.

You all need to start sending yore Christmas list to.

Bubba Clause

Possum Neck, MS

If Bubba Clause runs a little late this year you might check down the road at your local honky-tonk. Sorry Bubba don’t put together nothen’. Also he ask that you put that there for out before going to bed. Alcohol and flames don’t mix. We all want to have a safe Christmas. I knows you would feel bad ifn’ Bubba Clause exploded in yore chimney.

You all have yore fat little old selves a real Merry Christmas, Hear now.

No cookies and milk. A beer would be nice but ifn’ you are Southern Baptist then a glass of sweet tea will do jest fine.

1 comment | tags: A southern Christmas, Bubba, Bubba Clause, fat little selves, merry Christmas | posted in animals, curious, Current events, humor, Mississippi, PHOTO, pictures, stories

Gartalker's Blog

Category Archives: curious

BUBBA AND THE DEBT CEILING

The History of Beer and Us

Bubba’s Car Emporium and fine Pre-owned Cars and Trucks

The Great One Speaks and We Listen

J.B.’ Senior Moment

PICTURE IS WORTH 1,000 WORDS

I DON’T BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS

Bubba Clause

Follow “Gartalker's Blog”